The biggest blessing in my life would be breaking up with my now ex-boyfriend Evan. Him and I met in February 2016 since we have mutual friends. After the night we met I never thought I would see him again but we instead starting texting and we grew closer very quickly. As time went on we starting dating and becoming more serious. Evan made me happier than any other guy has made me but also made me very miserable. I was young and naïve, I considered this my first adult relationship and thought being miserable was somewhat normal so I did not pay too much attention to it. Months went on and I my feelings for him grew, I would say I even loved Evan but when there were issues with us we never seemed to work them out. It was as if him and I wanted two very different things which upset me. I wanted him to care and to put more effort in but it seemed like everything I told him went in one ear and out the other. We would constantly fight, which was mostly one sided but I was upset over serious things like he did not want to make our relationship official or he was giving other girls attention. We would fight over the same things every time until I could no longer handle it anymore and had to end things with him in October 2016. Even though we broke up two years ago, we would keep seeing each other all the time until just this past month when I ended things for good. I was always hopeful that things would change but I grew tired of him acting I wasn't good enough to be treated the right way.
After we broke up the first time in October 2016, I cried every single night for nights on end, I thought I had made a mistake of breaking up with Evan. He was truly my best friend, I told him anything and everything going on. I was just so heartbroken, I felt like I was lost without him in my life. I missed being myself with him, I was more comfortable with him than anyone else. I was surprised at just how much I truly cared about him despite our issues. I spent a couple weeks without talking to him, I started going out on dates with other guys but my mind was always on Evan instead. As time went on we started talking again even though we were no longer together. It was as if we were dating again, we would go on dates and do everything a couple would do but we were not technically a couple anymore. Two years went on of seeing each other after we first broke up before we ended things last month. I thought things would change when Evan realized how special I was to him, but that did not happen. I was holding onto something that just wasn't worth holding onto anymore.
Being with Evan for basically almost three years showed me a lot not only about myself but also life in general. I am thankful for my time with him, it showed me I am a strong individual who can get over anything. It was a very difficult time but I will always hold him dear in my heart. After Evan, I realized its okay to just take time to focus on myself, I started going back to school and focusing more on my health and just overall happiness. I have stopped trying to find someone and instead I am not looking to date for a while. I am taking this time to find myself and make myself happy without a man. I have since realized I should not have to beg someone to treat me how I deserve and the right man will come in time and do it willingly and happily. I will never allow myself to be in another toxic relationship again, now I can only focus on bettering myself and accomplishing my goals in life.
Caroline,
ReplyDeleteGood post. It's real, simple, common, and recent. I like that you had the strength to walk away and find your own health and happiness. Many young people rely on a partner to help complete them, but we all just be complete before we find a true partner and a perfect balance.
Your story is well written. I like the journal style you have. You share real feelings, thoughts, and concerns. It's honest.
This story is very common, but everyone must go through it. You wisely write about it being your fist adult relationship. I li!e how you mention that you were willing to accept some misery as part of it.
Now it seems you've learned that that is not the case. One should not have to sacrifice all too much of themselves for anyone. A safe, true love will not require that. In the Alchemist, we'll discuss the concept of "love without ownership".
Great post. Cool images. Professional writing style.
Grade: 100